In recent years, the term gaslighting has gained widespread attention, often used to describe misinformation, manipulation, and emotional abuse. In fact, in 2022, Merriam-Webster named “gaslighting” its word of the year after searches for the term spiked by 1,740%.
But what exactly does gaslighting mean, and why is it so damaging to mental health? Understanding the signs, examples, and effects of gaslighting can help you recognize this form of manipulation and take steps to protect your emotional well-being.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone distorts another person’s perception of reality, making them question their thoughts, memories, or experiences. It is a common tactic used in emotionally abusive relationships, often leading victims to feel confused, insecure, and dependent on the gaslighter.
People who experience gaslighting may begin to doubt their own judgment, feel isolated, and struggle with self-esteem. Over time, they may rely on the gaslighter to define what is real, which can deepen the cycle of abuse.
Signs of gaslighting
Gaslighting can be subtle, making it difficult to identify, especially when it comes from someone you trust. If you feel like your emotions and experiences are being constantly undermined, you may be experiencing gaslighting. Some warning signs include:
- Being told you said or did something you know you didn’t
- Having your words twisted to shift blame onto you
- Being called irrational or overly sensitive when expressing concerns
- Feeling guilty for setting boundaries or standing up for yourself
- Constantly questioning your memory or perception of events
- Apologizing frequently, even when you’ve done nothing wrong
- Feeling anxious, confused, or powerless after interactions with the gaslighter
If you’re being gaslit, you may feel a constant urge to apologize, feel nervous or anxious, or question your identity.
Examples of gaslighting in different settings
While the concept of gaslighting is consistent across relationships, it may look different in various contexts. Here are a few examples of gaslighting in different environments.
At work
Gaslighting at work may look like:
- A boss dismissing your concerns about a coworker’s inappropriate behavior by calling you “too sensitive”
- A manager insisting they never received an assignment you know you submitted on time
- A colleague taking over your projects under the guise of being “helpful”
- A supervisor setting strict rules but breaking them regularly
In romantic relationships
Gaslighting in a romantic relationship, such as a marriage or domestic partnership, may look like:
- A partner refusing to acknowledge or remember past arguments
- Being told that your feelings are an overreaction
- Having your thoughts, emotions, or concerns dismissed as “crazy”
- Experiencing denial of situations that you know happened
At the doctor’s office
Gaslighting isn’t restricted to our personal relationships or people we know well. It can also come from situations with a perceived division of power, such as between a patient and a medical professional.
Gaslighting at the doctor’s office may look like your provider:
- A doctor downplaying your symptoms and making you question whether they’re real
- A medical professional attributing serious concerns to stress rather than investigating further
- Feeling dismissed or unheard when discussing pain, fatigue, or mental health symptoms
Phrases often used in gaslighting
While gaslighting can take many forms, certain phrases are commonly associated with this type of manipulation:
- “You’re imagining things.”
- “That never happened.”
- “You always blow things out of proportion.”
- “You’re just being paranoid.”
- “It’s not that big of a deal.”
- “You’re overreacting.”“I was just joking!”
- “Why do you always have to be so dramatic?”
- “There you go again.”
These phrases can invalidate your experiences and make you second-guess your emotions.
How does gaslighting affect your mental health?
Gaslighting can make you uncertain about your relationships, the way you handle your emotions and your self-identity. All of these things can be harmful to your mental health and lead to:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Low self-esteem
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Hypervigilance
- Confusion
If you’re experiencing these symptoms, you’re not alone. Seeking support from a trusted person or mental health professional can help you regain confidence in your reality.
How to handle gaslighting
Gaslighting can feel overwhelming, but there are ways to protect yourself and regain your sense of self. Here are some steps you can take:
Get a second opinion
Gaslighting can make you feel isolated and uncertain about your own perspective. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or support group can provide much-needed validation.
Hearing someone else confirm that your experiences are real can help you regain confidence and recognize manipulation when it happens.
Keep a journal
If you feel like your memory is being questioned, write things down. Keeping a journal can help you:
- Track conversations and events as they happen
- Identify recurring gaslighting patterns
- Validate your own experiences when self-doubt creeps in
Having written records can also be helpful if you decide to seek professional or legal assistance.
Set boundaries
If someone constantly undermines you, consider setting clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. This may include:
- Limiting the time you spend with them
- Refusing to engage in arguments that distort reality
- Seeking distance from toxic relationships when possible
Boundaries help reinforce your sense of self and prevent further emotional harm.
Seek professional support
If gaslighting has affected your mental health, therapy can help you process your experiences and rebuild confidence. A therapist can:
- Support you in developing healthy coping strategies
- Provide a safe space to express your feelings
- Help you recognize patterns of manipulation
Therapists trained in trauma recovery and emotional abuse can offer guidance tailored to your situation.
Get support for your mental health
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that can deeply impact your mental health. Whether it occurs in relationships, the workplace, or medical settings, the effects can be lasting. Recognizing gaslighting is the first step in breaking free from its grip.
If you suspect you’re experiencing gaslighting, reach out for support. You don’t have to navigate this alone—mental health professionals, trusted friends, and supportive communities can help you reclaim your voice and your reality.
